you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
