ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
