i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
