so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
