man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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