and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
