I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize