She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
