I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
