dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
