i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize