I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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