At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could teleport
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
