I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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