Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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