she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
