Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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