I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
