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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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