I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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