Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
