Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize