It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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