You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize