So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
