now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
