I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
