My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
