but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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