Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize