Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
