Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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