I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
