How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
