get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
