i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize