my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
