covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
