i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
