You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
