Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
