You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
