i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
