So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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