Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
