i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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