I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
