I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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