I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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