I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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