Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
