Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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