woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
