I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
