The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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