We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
