Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My balls are so social today.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
