i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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