i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
