also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
