yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
