Cold hands, warm shart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
