dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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