Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
