Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
