her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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