So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
