Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We need to get me chipped asap
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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