so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
