you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
