I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
